Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
