Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
