Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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