where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize