i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
