It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
