You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
