$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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