Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
