You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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