I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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