butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
