I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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