I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
