My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
