I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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