I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize