I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize