I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
