I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
