that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
