I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
