you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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