i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
