If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
