You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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