I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it glows. i had to have it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
