So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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