3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
