also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
