I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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