My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
