It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
