I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Four minutes until I can fart!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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