you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
