I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
