The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So much Jack, so little girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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