you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
