just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
