her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
