oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We talked him into tasing himself.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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