i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
