the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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