so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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