why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
