now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
