That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
