I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
