I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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