you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
