So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
