i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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