I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
