This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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