i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got so high we made milksteak
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
