I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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