i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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