Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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