Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
