Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
