The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
