im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize