just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
third nipple confirmed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
