Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
