none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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