just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
