Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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