somebody snuck up and got me drunk
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
