I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
MIDGETS
????
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize