pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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