Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
