its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize