I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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