Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
