I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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