Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
